we talked so openly, she now gets these notes.
a little life update, voice mails, pumpkin pie, and a few poems
hello my friend[s],
i have missed you so so dearly. i did not leave a note for you last week for the first time. very unfortunately i had an unreasonable amount of assignments due and i wasn’t able to focus on anything else. while i still [do| have work to do, i would much rather write to you.
i’m sitting on the couch half watching the first harry potter movie home alone [r is back home for the long weekend]. i have a half-finished matcha latte sitting on the coffee table in front of me. an empty plate is next to the cup [[up until ten minutes ago there was a smoked salmon and cucumber sandwich on it. there’s a blanket around my shoulders and a heating pad on my lap. it’s dark out,,,, i have no idea where the day went.
i woke up at 7:30 this morning. i went to sleep at 3:30 last night. an unexpected visitor came over last night. a bottle of wine and some more later, she had missed the last bus of the night. and so we were late to bed but early to rise and get back. i bid her goodbye then made toast. i watched the sunrise while eating it, then went right back to bed. i still don’t think i’m awake.
it’s interesting how little things impact my feelings towards any day. some days just feel s l o w like they weren’t ready to happen yet. like they were only half made. some days go so quickly with a week’s worth of activity happening in ten hours. and there are the days that feel so good until they Don’t and vice versa.
yesterday began wonderfully filled with laughing with my roommate, sharing clothes to go out. playing basketball on our way to the library and buying coffee and scones and muffins. it began with running into friends on campus and finding a good study spot.
but then sometimes day just need a low point. then it was papers gone wrong, and frustration because of research, and exhaustion.
thankfully there’s always something to save the day: phone calls.
and those always cheer me up.
i called bear yesterday {{{called with their actual number, not a facetime}}. we have a system together. if one of us facetimes each other, it means i want to see your face, i’m home and i have time, i missed you. a facetime audio means i’m not at home and i don’t have enough data to see your face but i have something to tell you please pick up. and my personal favourite, we have phone calls. these mean i want to write you a letter that you will get later. don’t pick up, i’m leaving you a voicemail for when you have the time.
and yes, we could just leave voice messages over text but it doesn’t feel the same. in a similar way that you could text someone instead of writing a letter. so we have our system.
so anyway, i decided to call her. and surprisingly, she picked up. and that tiny difference made my entire day better. i love how phone calls can turn into hours-long conversations. do you like to talk on the phone? or do you prefer muted conversation over written words?
i think i just like it when spending time with someone lasts longer than expected. like last night, like yesterday’s phone call, like calling my oma while grocery shopping, and like thursday’s baking.
there was one goal for thursday. to make and eat pumpkin pie. if that could be achieved, the day would be well-spent.
last saturday i went to a friend’s birthday party. we were playing a drinking game in teams of two which lead me to be partnered with my now friend n and for us to become quite intoxicated together. her roommate made two big pumpkin pies and cut us a huge slice. we sat on the floor next to each other talking to everyone while we shared the slice of pie, a bite for her, a bite for me, and so on.
and i swear, it was the best pumpkin pie i’ve ever eaten. and it so happened to be the only pumpkin pie n had ever eaten.
we vowed to attempt a recreation of the pie and landed on thursday to make it. we talked about the pie for five days straight leading up to pumpkin pie day. she brought flour from her apartment, bought pumpkin puree from the store, and we made some damn good pumpkin pie.
but the thing with pie is that it takes Forever to bake. and so we hung out for hours[[[ and i loved it. she showed me things she learned in class, i showed her my book collection ]]she borrowed a few. we whipped cream and ate huge slices and it was wonderful. we walked together to drop off a mini pie at our friend’s house, we dropped off leftovers at her house, we pet a local cat, and we walked to campus together to go to each of our respective evening classes. we talked so openly, she now gets these notes.
i showed her a collection of mary oliver poems and she fell in love. in honour of our thursday pie, here is a lovely mary oliver poem that i can’t stop thinking about:
Mysteries, Yes
Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
to be understood.How grass can be nourishing in the
mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
in allegiance with gravity
while we ourselves dream of rising.
How two hands touch and the bonds
will never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.Let me keep company always with those who say
“Look!” and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.
i have many more disconnected thoughts that i will soon be able to form into a new note. for now, i will leave a few more collections of other people’s words and paintings. it’s 10:10 pm now for me and i need to find myself a late dinner and some motivation to finish my research paper.
a blessing by james wright
Just off the highway to Rochester, Minnesota,
Twilight bounds softly forth on the grass.
And the eyes of those two Indian ponies
Darken with kindness.
They have come gladly out of the willows
To welcome my friend and me.
We step over the barbed wire into the pasture
Where they have been grazing all day, alone.
They ripple tensely, they can hardly contain their happiness
That we have come.
They bow shyly as wet swans. They love each other.
There is no loneliness like theirs.
At home once more,
They begin munching the young tufts of spring in the darkness.
I would like to hold the slenderer one in my arms,
For she has walked over to me
And nuzzled my left hand.
She is black and white,
Her mane falls wild on her forehead,
And the light breeze moves me to caress her long ear
That is delicate as the skin over a girl's wrist.
Suddenly I realize
That if I stepped out of my body I would break
Into blossom.
i hope you had a lovely day. i’m now sat back on my couch after having a nice long shower. i’m half watching my favourite movie [julie and julia]. i’m feeling much better. tomorrow i’m making my favourite thing to bake,, butter tarts [our special recipe].
i hope you write a letter or leave a voice mail to someone. i hope you make a pie or a tart. eat well. watch a movie about the joy of cooking [pun absolutely intended]. drink a whole bottle of wine. i love you.
xx delphi
p.s.
music links for u
i am the antichrist to you by 151a
crystal by stevie nicks
p.p.s.
i’ll share my butter tart recipe with you, just because i love you {that} much. an important note, you **must** add three fresh cranberries to each tart before baking. do not use raisins..