the universe will let you have what you need and god i love praying this way.
sleepy thoughts on things that make us happy, housewarming, lists [again], and as always, going slow
hello my friend[s],
can you believe we’re already on the 47th week of the year? and we’ve spent 13 of those weeks together. oh how time flies past us. i haven’t even done my intro and i already have a newsletter recommendation for you all about wasting time, saving time, and spending time. the travesty of time from apollo’s musings. please, give it a read.
i’m sitting on the left side of my bed at 10:24 pm. r is next to me. we’re listening to hozier from her laptop. i just drank a mug of soup. my sheets are washed, i spent the day cleaning. i’m tired down to my bone. this note will be late, and short, and sleepy.
today f went back to university, visit already feeling long gone. our week off is done. [[[now the final stretch to the end of the semester]]]
recently, i’ve been trying to find what comforts me. what makes me feel fuzzy and safe and happy. certain things that i can count on to be good for the current me. i used to have a list of all the things that makes me happy[[just to keep track. things come and go.
recently, it’s been poems and warm soup and lingering hugs and saying the same thing as someone at the same time and live versions of songs and harmonies and toasts and parties and shows i watched at 15 and crying and day in my life videos and twitter replies and watercolour paintings and sugar-sweet writing and ripe fruits and putting rain sounds on top of my music and finishing books and knowing where i’m going without google maps and sweeping my floor.
it’s not that these good things didn’t make me feel good before i listed them, but rather i’m aware of how good they make me feel. they allow me to find a starting place for more good things. i don’t know a lot of things that i could believe in but i do believe that if you’re on your right path, simple pleasures will come your way. the universe will let you have what you need and god i love praying this way.
burning beautiful things as an offering, noticing the little things that make life become life, speaking to the universe.
because, my dear friend, isn’t that the [only?] point of the life we have been given? to /live it in the way that makes us truly happy?
i’m curious, do you have a list? this is the second time i’ve asked you this question[[ do you remember the first? were you here when i asked it? ]]. i’m curious on how you live your life.
Every morning
the world
is created.
Under the orange
sticks of the sun
the heaped
ashes of the night
turn into leaves again
and fasten themselves to the high branches–
and the ponds appear
like black cloth
on which are painted islands
of summer lilies.
If it is your nature
to be happy
you will swim away along the soft trails
for hours, your imagination
alighting everywhere.
And if your spirit
carries within it
the thorn
that is heavier than lead–
if it’s all you can do
to keep on trudging–
there is still
somewhere deep within you
a beast shouting that the earth
is exactly what it wanted–
each pond with its blazing lilies
is a prayer heard and answered
lavishly,
every morning,
whether or not
you have ever dared to be happy,
whether or not
you have ever dared to pray.
by mary oliver
two weeks ago i said i had something for you. now, i confess it isn’t mine to give. over two months ago i had mentioned housewarmings in my notes and after that, fiona texted me, saying she had some recent thoughts on the subject. i asked her to write them for us. here is the first-ever collaboration on delphi’s notes, please let it comfort you.
this september, about a month into school i realized i was the central room. when my friends needed a place to be, my space was where they ended up. it happened so quickly i almost didn’t notice. one day there was a group of people i had only talked to a handful of times, some never at all but we had stressed and struggled our way through an assignment together and so the logical next thing to do was go buy two bottles of wine. and i had needed to grab something from my room, but then everyone came and piled in and we decided that that’s where we would stay. we drank and played cards and it was all very silly but i didn’t know they’d be back, i barely knew them. except, and i don’t remember how or why, they were back very soon. they would come to visit me between classes or before labs when they had an hour to spare and nothing to do with it. or they’d come just to say hi, it was an easy place for everyone to be because my building is easy to get into even if you don’t live here. they’d stick around while i had zoom lectures or i’d have somewhere to be and i would leave them to hang out, knowing they’d probably still be there when i got back. and so with my friends always around, unavoidably they would forget things in my room. hats, and headphones and half empty coffee cups started getting littered around. that could easily get annoying and sometimes on the fourth time i’ve had to throw out an empty food container that wasn’t mine that week, it is, but mostly they feel like housewarmings. little things that remind me that people like to live here. that my silly little room with two lone posters and some mismatched fairy lights now houses not only me, but a whole community of people that feel comfortable enough that they will be back so that they don’t check too hard to make sure they have everything before they leave. i always feel this way when my forever friend visits me too. i’ll be sad when she leaves and that there is now a space on my floor that was taken up by her things for the week, but eventually i’ll find something of hers left behind. and my heart feels warm that there’s a reminder that she was here and of the times we shared and that it’s not to worry because i’ll see her soon enough or i’ll mail it back and she can trust that i’ll appreciate it in the meantime. so now i have a lost and found box that i’ve decorated with drawings of hearts and rainbows and i get texts about things people are missing and i love that everyone knows they are always welcome in my room, and always welcome to come back.
with my words said and my thoughts gone, i must go to sleep. it’s 11:22 pm now and my head feels like it’s full of wool. i hope you had a good week. i hope you felt the little loves and your living space filled with warmth. go extra slow- if you had a school break like me, ease yourself in [don’t feel guilty for taking time off]. if you’re still in the thick of things, take time to be kind to yourself, you work so hard. there is always time for simple pleasures.
tomorrow we’re making a dinner of butter chicken. i’ll go to a coffee shop to meet a beautiful soul and we’ll study together. i’ll say good morning to the crows. i’ll wear a pretty colour. how do you want to spend your day? i’m curious to hear, darling reader.
let’s be kind. i love you.
xx delphi
p.s.
this entire playlist with rain sounds at volume 24
p.p.s lots of marys in this note,,.. two of my favourites