hello my friend[s],
it’s felt like years since i have last written to you. i’ve done a month’s worth of things in the last week--— many updates.
i write to you sitting at my table, my back to the kitchen window, my front to the closet mirror. i’m eating baby carrots and listening to the entire a mineral love album by bibio. its exactly 7 pm [far later than when i normally leave notes for you. i’m waiting for my friend to come visit me. i’m home alone for now. after this, i continue the homework i did not do during the week. time finally sits slow.
on wednesday, i introduced myself in a class and said i’ve taken up writing. i have never implied i’m a writer before, i can’t even spell the word right [[one t or two t, one t or two t]. on wednesday, i read poems with f. on wednesday, i wrote down four different poem ideas. on wednesday, i felt good. today, i went to the park. i saw the ocean and met three “new” people. one i’ve been indirectly talking to for over a year. it’s funny how these things can happen. by the time we all said goodbye three hours later, i had promised to tutor one in german, i was asked to study with another, and i had gifted a hair elastic. i love the start of a new school year because everyone is So Ready to begin new friendships. the kindness that has sprouted in the strangest of places has been delicious. soon, this overt friendliness will die down but with that comes the strengthening of friendships. people share their hearts a bit more with a select few and the kindness continues to grow in the form of roots, strengthening the sprouts.
to speak of roots and kindness one can’t forget to speak about kim namjoon. my second time mentioning him in these notes but in all honesty, he and yoongi inspire these notes every day. on saturday and sunday, it was/is namjoon’s birthday. everywhere i turned has been covered in poems, artworks, photographs, quotes, and designs. i felt so much collective love those days. everything is absolutely beautiful. here are a few of my favourites;;;
the sun filters into our apartment all day. i like it best at 4 pm because the rays are still warm but they go through the tree outside so perfectly. it leaves spots of light on our floor that move with the wind. outside____ inside. would you like to nap in the ghost of sunshine with me?
i walk everywhere now. my shins feel like they’re splitting open but my eyes are so happy i can’t bear to stop. i love looking at all the houses and trees and people and dogs and flowers. i walk during the day to and from campus. i walk during the night to and from parties. we never stop moving from place to place, following whatever our minds want. it;s absolutely delightful. i wonder what we’ll do once it’s colder and covered in snows, less easy to walk around in small shirts and stumbling shoes. Time will tell me when it wants to. for now, it’s so good to be a fool.
it’s so good to develop half friendships under the cover of night and the excuse of intoxication.
saturday morning i went shopping. i made it to the only indian store i know of here and combed the store slow, slowly. i bought $9 of cardamom [granted, i didn’t mean to buy that much]. i bought 8 samosas. i bought enough spices to finally make myself a cup of chai. i’m happier because of it. a few weeks ago i was going to share my recipe for chai but got too afraid to include it. i was scared in case it wasn’t authentic enough or good enough or just downright confusing. maybe i’ll include it now.
on slow mornings, i like to make chai. i am a brown person horribly disconnected from almost every part of my culture. making things like chai [which my mom would occasionally make] feels both terrifying and comforting. my baby steps. here is how i make it {{{{{{i am quite sure it is not very authentic but neither am i. i do it like this anyways}}}}}
get your favourite small pot. add water until it looks full enough, about a cup. turn on your stove to a medium flame and as it begins to warm, find some ginger and cardamom pods [i add these first because i like the taste of them the best, you add to the order that makes you feel nice]. peel the ginger with a spoon and crush it with the back of a measuring cup, then crush the pods open with the back of the cup [or use the side of a knife, a mortar and pestle, whatever you like]] i like the measuring cup because its the closest thing to me]]. add to the pot along with one whole star anise. crack in some black pepper as big as you can. add a cinnamon stick if you can find it. i usually add sugar but today i used honey— add that now. once the water is hot enough to steep some loose black indian tea, add a spoonful in. let the tea steep for a minute before adding milk- the same as the water in a 1:1. let everyone get to know each other until it foams and bubbles up. right before it boils over, turn off the heat and strain into your cup. now let it sit for a bit because it’s much too warm and you will burn your tongue. and now you’re here, drinking chai with me <3.
august 8. 2021.
and so here we come to a natural stopping point. it’s late and my stomach is full now. i’ve taken breaks to get sushi, to hang out with a friend, to watch the first half of twilight. did you take breaks this week? i hope so.
take some long walks, listen to music, let your eyes be happy.
i love you
xx delphi
p.s. i saw this and thought of you