ich liebe dich, weil du mein Komfort ist
tomorrow i’ll be busy again, writing papers, seeing an old friend from back home, speaking in a different tongue. all worries for later. for now, we sit and exist.
hello my friend[s],
how are you, my darling angels? i’ve missed you so terribly. another week has gone to the sands of time. was it a good week for you? did you laugh lots? did you share a meal with someone? did you shed any tears?
i usually write to you on sunday and send my note to you the same day. only once or twice have i begun writing on a saturday. today is one of those times. its 11:22 pm. i’m sitting in r’s room, on her bed. a stuffy on my lap, her jacket on my shoulders, her shirt tied around me. she’s sitting in the hallway playing piano- testing out new books]] seeing where she’s at after months of neglect. this is the first time i’ve heard her play by herself.
today has been a slow, dizzy day. i went to bed late and intoxicated, woke up late and slightly less intoxicated, slowly moved my body, slowly taking care. i didn’t do much today{}i’m so happy about it. tomorrow i’ll be busy again, writing papers, seeing an old friend from back home, speaking in a different tongue. all worries for later. for now, we sit and exist.
last week i said i was excited for the deepening of friendships. how i was excited to see people’s relationships grow fonder.
i’ve seen it a lot this past week.
roommates cooking meals together, people sharing homemade baked goods, learning about jewelry that once belonged to grandparents, sharing memories from high school while laying next to each other, working through the shows we watch together, taking care of one another when someone feels sick, hurried calls to hear one another’s voice— just to provide comfort.
these are the moments i love. i’m so happy i can experience them myself and that i get to look in on others.
tell me, what made your heart go soft this week?
i think i was at my softest on wednesday. in my german class, we were asked to write a poem. i wrote one about a pocket friend. i sent it to her. she wrote me a note back, in french.
ich liebe dich, weil du mein Komfort ist.
////ich wünschen ich könnte tragt du in meiner Tasche
mein Teddybär,/ für immer Freund
//du ist süß wie Honig////
je t’aime comme personne d’autre je serai le plus heureux personne du monde si je pourrai être dans ton poche et avec toi à tout temps ma chère ourse
a six year friendship, somehow deepened.
i think i’m still settling into september]]]] not quite used to it yet. school doesn’t feel real. i haven’t been to any cafes to study at. i’ve been to the library once or twice.
but i’ve been walking
i mean, i have to get to class somehow but i love it. remember when i told you i hoped i would keep walking? even though i am no longer caring for a two-year-old who is eager to run around? i’m glad i’m still moving, seeing autumn join us from up close rather than through a window.
i talked to that two-year-old very briefly earlier in the week, and the five-year-old. they said they missed me. my heart ached.
in a few days, my dad and youngest sister will be visiting me. i’ll show them around my places for the first time. dad promised we’d go to any grocery store that i want. i love him best.
here are two poems i’ve loved dearly this week. they remind me of our garden back home. not the back one i have told you about, but the front one.
in our front garden, there is a big black raspberry bush, a huge white currant bush, lavender in the front, frogs belly in the middle, a cranberry looking tee hanging tall, large stones litter the ground in a path, flowers sitting in pots and in the ground. i love thinking about that tiny piece of nature.
now its 11:59 am on sunday. i’m sitting on the couch, the only thing remaining from my cup of tea is the bag at the bottom of my cup. r woke up, she made me a pancake. we’re watching her show that stresses me out too much but i watch it anyways.
and i made you a playlist. i’ve been listening to chilled music these days and i wanted to share. here you go <3
for now, i must go. i have a paper to write. its about community. i have a feeling i’ll be able to write it well.
i hope you have a good rest of your sunday. i hope you take care and get taken care of. deepen your love for yourself and others if you have the space. write some poems for a friend in a language you only half speak.
i love you, take care
xx delphi